- Individual meeting
- Joint session
- Storytelling
- Identifying the interests of the parties
- Framing the issue
- Brainstorming
- Selecting the durable option
- Finalizing the agreement
A. Individual meeting
Before I meet with mediation clients together, I first meet with each person individually. This provides each client an opportunity to meet me in a less stressful environment and be satisfied that he/she will be able to work with me.
During our first meeting, I will screen potential mediation clients for challenges which may identify them as inappropriate candidates for mediation. I will also explain the mediation model that I use and how it works.
Each client will have the opportunity to identify the issues that he/she feels need to be addressed during the mediation process and each client will have an opportunity to identify any specific concerns he/she has.
We will review together a copy of my mediation contract and I will provide each client with a copy of the contract to bring home to read.
After meeting with both clients individually, provided that both clients are comfortable participating in the mediation process, we will move to the next step of the process.
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B. Joint Session
Generally speaking, both parties will meet with me together. There are however, some situations in which the parties do not meet together. In some situations, the mediation process works best if the parties meet separately and are not in the same room for settlement discussions.
As well, in other circumstances, although the majority of mediation sessions involve both clients being together in the same room, I may meet separately with each party. This process is known as "caucusing". During a caucus session, I may discuss a specific challenge that the participants are facing which is better dealt with and discussed with each party individually.
At the beginning of our first joint session, we will review and sign the mediation contract. We will then make a list of issues that need to be resolved through the mediation process.
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1. Storytelling
During this part of the mediation process, each one of you will be given the opportunity to share your perspective about the events which have given rise to the conflict(s) that you are attempting to resolve. You will also have the opportunity to share your feelings about what has taken place and how the events have impacted you.
Storytelling is very much about the past. The purpose of this part of the mediation process is not to persuade me or the other person that one of you is "right" and the other is "wrong", but rather to allow both of you to share information with one another and gain a better understanding of the other person's perspective about what has happened and how that person feels.
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2. Identifying the interests of the parties
As each one of you shares information about past events and the impact of these events on you, I will be noting some of the underlying interests that you are communicating.
You will share your specific interests which are really your personal concerns, goals and needs. Your concerns, goals and needs may relate to a wide variety of issues, including your children, your financial security, your value system and your emotional well being. More often than not, strong feelings need to be addressed before conflict can be resolved.
This stage of the mediation process is about the present. It relates to what you hope to achieve through the mediation process.
Some examples of underlying interests are:
- maintaining a relationship with your children;
- providing your children with stability, structure, routine and emotional security;
- having regular contact with your children;
- being recognized as an important person in your child's life;
- being able to nurture your child;
- having an opportunity to exert an influence on your child as he/she grows up;
- putting in place and maintaining predictable parenting arrangements for your children;
- feeling respected as a human being;
- having your contribution recognized;
- having your feelings, whatever they are, acknowledged, validated and understood;
- being able to budget for ongoing expenses ;
- knowing where you will live after a physical separation has taken place;
- knowing that your children are safe when they are with the other parent;
- receiving information about your children's health, education, interests, developmental changes, etc;
- knowing what your monthly income will be.
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3. Framing the issue
Once we have identified your respective underlying interests, we will, together, frame a question which when answered, will allow you to create solutions to the conflicts which you have identified.
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4. Brainstorming
This part of the mediation process is about the future; it is about how the conflict will be resolved in a way which is acceptable to both of you.
During this part of the mediation process you will, with my assistance, create a list of as many solutions as possible which meet as many of the identified concerns as possible.
The two of you will list not only those solutions which benefit you alone, but also some solutions which benefit only the other person and some solutions which benefit both of you.
The brainstorming is facilitated by two rules. The first is that, as a participant, you cannot criticize any of the options put on the table. The second is that the options put on the table during the brainstorming process are not offers and therefore they cannot be "accepted". These two rules allow for a much broader list of options to be generated by both of you without fear that if you put an idea on the table it will be accepted immediately without you having an opportunity to carefully consider it or hear other options.
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5. Selecting the durable option
Once a list of options has been generated, you will review the options one at a time in order to determine which option alone or which options together represent the best solution for both of you.
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6. Finalizing the agreement
Once the two of you have reached an agreement, I will either prepare a letter outlining the terms agreed to and send it to both of you and your respective lawyers, or, alternatively, I will draft an agreement which I will send to all of you along with whatever supporting documentation your lawyers will need in order to provide you with legal advice before you sign any agreement.
While it is not necessary for clients to receive independent legal advice before signing an agreement negotiated during the mediation process, I strongly recommend you meet with a lawyer and obtain advice before signing any agreement. It is prudent to do so.
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